Goodbye Oskar

Goodbye to our dear Oskar
Your cancer had spread too far
It happened so fast
This day was your last
Now you’re a bright doggie star

I met you seven years ago
With my future wife in tow
You warmed all our hearts
But not with your farts
And you loved us too I know

You came with us on our dates
And sometimes you licked our plates
To stop any crime
You barked all the time
And tried to run through the gates

You weren’t always the smartest one
But you filled our days with fun
Your life was worthwhile
You made us all smile
And now your time here is done


The Bathroom Poet

Part 1: A few years ago, I worked in building 42 and we had a little problem in the men’s room. Nearly every day, someone would attempt to flush paper towels down the urinal. It would clog up the urinal and water would flow all over the ground.

Part 2: Some of the funniest posts on this blog (at least in my mind) have been bad poetry. Examples: 1, 2, and 3.

Part 3: Some hilarious, handsome, anonymous person posted some poetry in the bathroom of building 42 and also posted the poems at

Part 4: I want to make sure these works of art outlive

So without further ado, here is the first of the two poems:

Paper Towel Flusher
Your dreams may be crushed
But I cannot remain hushed
No matter how hard you try
This just won’t fly
A paper towel cannot be flushed

Your logic I can’t diagnose
No attempt even comes close
It’s a nasty little habit
Someone has to reach in and grab it
It’s really quite gross

Why you do this I can’t guess
No one wants to clean up your mess
So please secure your paper
We’ve had enough of this caper
This can’t be allowed to progress

Maybe you’re just sadistic
But let’s be realistic
We’re not in third grade
My point has been made
Of an adult this is uncharacteristic

That first poem caused a ruckus and it actually solved the problem for a while, but eventually the paper towels returned. The janitor left a handwritten note next to the poem begging the flusher to stop. At that point, another set of verses appeared:

A handwritten for the paper towel flusher asking very nicely for him to stop. I decided it was time to cut loose with verses 5, 6 and 7…

A handwritten plea
Don’t you see?
Others feel the same
Have you no shame?
It’s not just me

Who knows, maybe you’re in a rush
And while it might make me blush
I offer my help
Just give a small yelp
If you need me to help you flush

Or what if you just like these rhymes?
I promise to still write sometimes
Even after you clean up your ways
I’ll still utter a clever phrase
It will be just like old times

Ode to the Blinking Cursor

“Ode to the Blinking Cursor”
By Ben Martens

Oh cursor blinking on my screen
From black to white you change your gleam
Blinky blinky blinky blink
Staring at you helps me think

Patiently you wait for me
As calm and soothing as can be
I know you’ll wait for me forever
Your streak of service you’ll never sever.

All around the screen you race
You eat and eat as I backspace
How do you stay so thin and slim?
Do you work out in a gym?

You lead a refreshingly simple life
Turn on, turn off, turn left, turn right.
I thank you for your dedication
Your loyalty gives me palpitations.

An Ode to Bus #6

An Ode to Bus #6

To the driver of bus number 6
Your route I would like to fix
You get in my way
Each and ev’ry day
Like a giant wall made of bricks

You turn onto Riverton from Broad Street
Carrying children with small feet
You slow and you stop
The red lights they pop
The happy faces you great

I try to get there before you
You drive slower than glue
A turtle just passed
In a race you’d be last
When you’re in front I say poo

But the madness must come to an end
My broken schedule you can’t mend
Turn right on Pomona
I wish you’d move to Arizona
Your driving I don’t comprehend